Just before you read this - know I'm NOT comparing myself to Jesus. That's not the point. 
A flowing string of cocoa beans and the gushing taste of vineyard wine
From chapels and the steeples, we’re dancing in the runic rhyme
Heart beating crimson, scarlet, bloody, deep and raw and red
It’s darkness that embraces me – so dismal, destitute and dead
You were a fruitful garden born to breed my priceless lapis lazuli
A sting conscious wine fountains to be, within me, broken free
But deadened, black, parched and sable piece of coal
You’ve killed the slightest point of passion and wounded my weakened soul
Stapled to my lustful crucifix
I shiver, blurred and agonized
My blood, dripping emblems of your tricks
As your guile plates my eyes
This is where true love turns to lies
Roses turn to crosses everyday
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
'Heart beating crimson, scarlet, bloody, deep and raw and red"
*Hurks!* So... much.... RED!
THIS CREEPED ME OUT!
Usually it takes a lot to do that but first I read abotu clockwork toys and now this? OH my god!
You truely are the Jesus of Poetry though. *Bows down*
Jesus, this gave me the creeps though, good show.
One little minor thing that I'm going to stab at:
"But deadened, black, parched and sable piece of coal
You’ve killed the slightest point of passion and wounded my weakened soul"
Compared with all the others, the third line and fourth line were the same, but here the fourth was way too long... maybe take out weakened or wounded? Or change weakened to WEAK. Yes, much better.
Wow, that is a really good poem! I really like your use of imagery, it's very powerful. Honestly, I don't think theres anything I would change. Good work, and keep writing!